Holiday Blues Come With Special Gifts Attached

Flowers of joy can only grow in the soil of gratitude.
                                                                                  …Bob Trask

Now we are in the happiest season of the year. For many, like my wife Mary, it is a time of almost boundless joy, a time of renewal and the rebirth of love.

Yet for others this may be the opposite; a time when the old depression dragon crawls from his lair to chew on hearts. The very music and lights and happiness that light up others will cast some of us into an awful gloom. This week’s message is for those very souls and for their loved ones, because both are affected by the darkness of this seasonal beast. Instead of being a time of frivolity and gaiety, for them it is a time of self-discipline and of focusing on whatever they can that is good about life. They must climb every day up from their dark valley, up the steep face of a mountain that often seems utterly hopeless; yet those who climb and will not give up, will ultimately find the climb well worth it because the struggle will give them strength, give their lives greater meaning and allow them to become wiser and stronger than ever before.

Isolation is the trap. It is the easiest way to escape the pain and yet it is the most dangerous, and the common downfall of those dealing with depression. When we are in this situation we need people with whom we can share our fears and dreams. We cannot give up and go hide when we feel no one cares nor understands; someone will want to hear us and to care if we just keep putting out the invitation. ARASing (see the past four blogs) is a sure-fire way to get others to love us. And yes; it may take kissing a couple dozen frogs before we find our prince or princess, but please; just keep on kissing; don’t ever give up!

A trick I’ve found helpful is to smile, even when I don’t feel like it. The nerves involved in making a smile send a message to the brain saying; “Hey we’re having fun down here, come join us.” The brain just cannot help loosening its grip on the gloom. Make sure the smile is not a grimace.

I know that what I’m suggesting is not easy, I fought through years of holiday anguish and I understand well how frightening and lonely the struggle can be. But those with courage will discover that if they do not give up, they will discover, even in the darkest night, a small bit of joy. If we focus on the darkness it is impossible; but if we just keep looking for light, we will find it. It may be only a tiny glimmer- a glint at first; yet a spark is all that’s needed to start a fire. Focusing on that tiny ember will cause it to grow, and our hope to grow with it. And though it may feel slow, we must keep focusing on joy wherever we can find it because if we do it will grow! We will then find ourselves flowing into brighter consciousness; our souls opening and becoming radiant in the world. Those who have been to the mountain will have seen the darkest darkness, and those with the courage to come back are surely the wisest among us.

But when holiday despair is self-induced as a means of punishment for oneself or others, nothing can change until there is forgiveness. As I show in my book Romancing The Soul, a pond shattered by a rock, a sky split open by lightning or a forest devastated by fire- they all heal- only humans have the ability to condemn themselves or each other, and that is neither nature’s nor God’s way. We must accept that the past is perfect as it is and get on with today. Not one of us fell into this incarnation by accident; we each came here on a mission and the paths of our lives are filled with mistakes, losses and hazards designed to make each of us wiser and better able to do the magnificent work before us. If we hang on and keep choosing joy, we will discover that darkness cannot swallow us, it will only swallow our ego, which is the small person we once thought we were.

When I look at a Christmas tree I try to let each ornament represent a friend or a blessing in my life. It is amazing when I realize that no tree, no matter how large or elaborately decorated, can hold all my ornaments. Even if you are already joyful, this is an eye opener because we are able to see a graphic illustration of how blessed we are. If done with friends: each person calling out an ornament and naming the blessing it represents, everyone is uplifted and reminded that loving others and allowing them to love us is the most direct path to happiness.

A Bit of Humor For You:
What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment,it is worth reflecting on the death of a very significant person which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93.The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in   ...and then the trouble started.

Our hero of the week:
This week's heroes are you and me for smiling throughout 2009 at times we felt like crying; for forgiving ourselves and others when we didn't want to; for being helpful and polite to those we knew we would never see again; for asking others to tell us their stories and then really hearing them, for the times we turned away from self-pity and accepted all that was given us; for having the courage to risk changing our minds and habits to improve ourselves and mostly; for never ever giving up. Together we have done well to move into 2010 with clarity, courage and confidence. You most definitely are my hero!


• Throughout a lifetime of studying and thirty-five years of teaching I have weaved  be, do and have into a seamless process of living effectively and living free which is all demonstrated with great stories in my newest book; Romancing The Soul; Your Personal Guide to Living Free     Click here: http://www.amazon.com/Romancing-Personal-Guide-Living-ardcover/dp/0961216441/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261092419&sr=1-2

• Heads up! This hardback first edition (only 1000 printed) is $29.95. Already, used copies are selling for over $50! You can have your copy personally autographed; just ask me.

• Personal Coaching? Call me at 425-577-0556 or write Bob@arasfoundation.org