Each of us, in our singularity,
represents a pure incarnation of God. Bob Trask
When we act towards others with the four attributes of the ARAS plan; Acceptance, Respect, Affection and Support, we are fulfilling the deepest relationship needs of other people and, in so doing, we become their treasured friends. I believe this four-step process to be the most effective means available of winning friends and influencing people. (And I’m sure Dale Carnegie would be in full agreement.)
Last week, the first word in our series was Acceptance, which allows a person to feel acknowledged and received exactly as he or she is. Respect goes a step farther and allows that same person to feel personally honored, seen and appreciated for who he or she is. Even celebrities, while being respected for attributes that make them famous, know that only a small slice of who they are is really ever seen.
Acceptance, Respect, Affection and Support are as vital to the health of our minds and souls as is nutrition to the health of our bodies. How welcome we must then seem to others when we become providers of those needs. This week’s concept: Respect, is an especially important element for strengthening self-confidence because when being respected we open to seeing qualities in ourselves that only someone else may point out. In my work I am always amazed by the number of people unappreciated for who they are, both in their professional and personal lives, and who, as a result, go through life thinking they are less than they are.
When we talked about Acceptance last week, we saw that there is no middle ground; that one is feeling either accepted or rejected. The same is true for Respect; there is no neutral territory. Because a position of respect is the normal and expected way one fits into society, when that respect is withheld we feel disrespected.
How do we show Respect for others? True Respect is first and foremost an attitude, one that may be unspoken and yet shown in a tone of voice or a slight facial expression. And we can hold a feeling of respect for those we barely know or have just met by remembering that the person living in that body is an eternal soul who has doubtlessly earned respect countless times; has courageously survived dark, sorrowful nights that seemed to never end, despair so profound it may have felt fatal, loss and sickness and pain we can only imagine and then may have given to someone in need even when they didn’t have enough for themselves. When we think about it, most adults now fit those descriptions and more children are joining them every day. Yet our magnificence is more than just a reflection of our heroism, it is also the unique genius calling out from within each of us. If we could truly recognize the marvelousness of those souls around us, we would no doubt bow when meeting one another.
And, of course, when we truly respect someone, their defenses fall away and they see us more clearly for who we are and then may respect us as well. This week let’s practice the second part of ARAS by trying to see what makes each other worthy of our Respect.
Please remember that the entire ARAS Plan and concept is outlined in detail in my book Romancing The Soul, Your Personal Guide to Living Free. I received a letter wondering why the book is selling for $29.95 on Amazon.com. The reason is that this is a first-edition hardback of which only 1000 were printed and it will very soon be a collector’s item. This beautifully designed book can be read as a tutorial or opened to any page for an inspirational message. Get a copy for yourself and a gift for a friend. http://www.amazon.com/Romancing-Personal-Guide-Living-Hardcover/dp/0961216441/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1259529691&sr=1-2
*Next week we move to step three of ARAS: Affection. You won’t want to miss it.
*Please remember: I am available for your personal coaching, in person or by phone or email.
A bit of humor for you:
The medical receptionist asked John what brought him in and he replied “I’ve got shingles.” She wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
A nurse's aide then came out and again asked John what he had, and he replied, “Shingles.” She wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse with a clipboard took him into an examination room and said, “Says here you have shingles. How long have you had them?”
“Since early this morning,” said John.
She took his temperature, blood pressure then told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
Eventually the doctor came in and asked John what was going on with him.
“I’ve got shingles,” John replied.
“Where?” the doctor asked.
"Outside on the truck,” said John. “Where do you want them?"
* Have a humorous bit to share? Please send it to me: Bob@ARASFoundation.org
This Week’s Hero:
Brandon Robins is a young man with a miracle attitude. He is a top athlete both on water and snow who suffered a devastating motorcycle accident that left him crushed, unconscious and having lost 17 units of blood. He was airlifted to the hospital where he lay in a coma with both hips and his pelvis fractured and with multiple compound fractures to his right leg, right arm and hand. While unconscious, he lost a finger and his right leg below the knee. A week later he regained consciousness and while still on a ventilator, saw that his leg was gone, immediately accepted the loss and began making plans for prostheses that would allow him back on the slopes and the lake. Two days later the ventilator was removed and soon Brandon was talking and answering questions with absolutely no loss of his typical self-confidence and humor.
Having come, in just under 4 months, from near death to walking and even running on a temporary prosthetic leg and intending to ski this winter, Brandon Robins is a rare person who has certainly earned our respect and who is exactly the kind of hero we need this week.
*Have a hero you'd like to nominate? Send me the info: Bob@ARASFoundation.org
*Make comments, give us your thoughts, just sign up at the top of this post as a follower and let's grow together.
Bob: What caught my attention on this blog was how people are unappreciated for who they are as well as what they do professionally. It's hard work to get a good profession and afterwards, the unappreciation appears to come from other people's "well, that's just expected of you" attitude.
ReplyDeleteNothing can be more damaging than that attitude, yet we see it all too often. Perhaps it is because others' attitudes are only their inner reflections, or because if they pause and think, perhaps that person becomes a threat to their ego.
We have a lot of work to do here.
Bill Arant
You are absolutely right that you can convey respect before you even open your mouth, just by your expression and body language. And it is so true that it breaks through the other person's defensiveness. The sad thing is that it has so much impact because it's unfortunately too rare.
ReplyDeleteI work in the medical field where nurses and doctors should understand that people who are depressed and/or have been through trauma may not be able to do everything that they are instructed to right off the bat, but they get put into a box labeled "non-compliant" right away and blamed for poor progress. A little more respect would go a long way toward healing.